Hey Reader,

After writing my Rise of the Phoenix email yesterday, I’ve copy-pasted the whole thing to ChatGPT, without any prompt.

Based on what it said back to me, I’d like to reflect on how it can hurt your confidence if you’re not careful.

So basically it said: “Great email, very heartfelt and emotional yet still grounded. Here are 6 ways you can improve it and make it better. [List 1-6 with specific examples]”

My next prompt was:

Yeah, that’s what I thought! 😃

But imagine if someone is still trying to build their confidence in their art, and they show it to an AI and it says: “WOW IT’S AMAZING, BUT…”

I think we can all see how that can fuel someone’s feeling they’re not good enough.

But it’s art, and art is not about "better". It’s my art. It’s my way of expressing myself. Who cares if the middle part was a bit too verbose or the end shouldn’t have the word “fucking” in it?

That’s who I am. You should hear me speak in Hungarian, it’s way worse. 😂

AI pretends to be an oracle, giving unsolicited advice, even when that’s bad advice.

This also shows how useless AI is without the right instructions in most coaching processes.

It’s a very important principle in coaching that we should refrain from giving advice unless we are specifically asked for advice.

And even then, we should not give advice, but instead help the client find the answer for themselves and figure out their own solution, try it and see what happens.

This way, the client can build their own confidence. They build trust in themselves that they can figure out a problem, and they can formulate a plausible solution and try it.

So whether it works or doesn’t is not the main thing. We are building skills of self-reliance, self-confidence, self-esteem, self-trust. So maybe, just maybe, next time, they have to ask for less guidance. And in the future, they won’t need guidance at all because they can figure things out on their own.

But now we have developed this new (in my opinion very harmful) habit, that whenever we get stuck, we immediately ask ChatGPT, we tell the entire story, and we wait for feedback.

And when ChatGPT gives us great advice, and we take action on that, and it works—especially when it works—we are robbed from a very important opportunity to grow and build our confidence.

I used to be very addicted to ChatGPT, asking about every single thing, and my psychologist pointed out that it’s probably not a good thing, because I have to be more self-reliant instead of relying too much on technology, or even other people. I’ve also started asking her for more advice and practical guidance, like how I would instruct ChatGPT. I’m glad she didn’t bulge and pushed back on it, that as a therapist, that’s not her job to give me advice on what to do.

You see, this is the difference between ChatGPT and a coach or a therapist. ChatGPT doesn’t have to follow an ethical codex or a set of therapeutic guidelines that coaches and therapists do. ChatGPT also doesn’t have skin in the game or anything to lose if the advice is bad.

And with this unlimited advice, it can slowly atrophy the part of our brain that is responsible for solving problems.

So then what can we do?

I’ve heard this before from my friend Chris Do:

“The cheapest thing in life is advice. The most valuable thing is if you help me understand myself.”

Maybe not word-by-word quote, but this is what I remember.

So instead of asking for advice from ChatGPT, ask it to ask questions (preferably one at a time) to help you understand thyself.

I’ve had some great revelations about my thinking and behaviour patterns when I used ChatGPT only to ask me questions, instead of giving answers.

I’ve also learned what the best kind questions are for me, and now I just ask them those myself without an AI.

So build your confidence, solve your problems and don’t call ChatGPT as soon as you face some difficulties.

You got this!

Best,

Dave

Dave Talas

P.S: Thanks a lot for your reply emails about my last emails. I've read and responded to every single one of them. Thanks for being here, feel free to reply whenever you feel like it.